Unlike his prior escapades, however, this one turned out to be a bit more serious.

Per the Boston Herald, Ochocinco had his Escalade broken into on Wednesday morning, and, of course, he took to Twitter to share the news … and evidence.

This is total bull droppings… they broke in my Escalade rent a car.. they took my fucking Starbucks cards..lockerz.com/s/211224430

— Chad Ochocinco (@ochocinco) May 23, 2012

Upon surveying the damage, he discovered his wallet, iPod, credit cards, and drivers license were gone. The worst part, though? The culprit even nabbed Chad’s precious Starbucks Gold card, incensing the veteran receiver.

Ochocinco decided to take action, recording a video aimed at the thief in which he described the trials and tribulations he had to undergo to earn what I’m guessing is the coffee equivalent of a Black Card.

“I earned the gold card. You know how many coffees I’ve had to drink and lemon loafs I’ve had to purchase to get to that gold card? Like, I had $220 left on my Starbucks card. Not just any Starbucks card, but a gold Starbucks card.”

Never fear. A good samaritan on Twitter alerted Ocho that his wallet — containing his drivers license and credit cards — was found in a parking lot in Rhode Island. (You can’t make this stuff up.)

@EvelynLozada Baby you don’t have to fly here @jennacote mom found my wallet in the parking lot in Providence… I’m hyped

— Chad Ochocinco (@ochocinco) May 23, 2012

Starbucks also sympathized, offering to send him a brand new Gold card for his troubles.

At least this story had a happy ending, unlike, in all likelihood, his playing career in New England.

In an appearance on sports radio WEEI Monday, the highly-productive receiver confirmed he would not holdout into the regular season.

“There are 9.5 million reasons why I wouldn’t miss any regular-season games,” Welker said, via ESPNBoston.com.

Welker, the team’s franchise player, is making reference to his one-year tender offer, which he has yet to sign. Once he does, the $9.5 million becomes fully guaranteed for 2012.

Although he’s hinted at skipping next month’s mandatory minicamps, Welker warmed up to the idea, saying he’d “definitely” like to attend but ultimately hasn’t made up his mind.

“I think we’re still kind of waiting, but I’d really like to be there,” Welker told hosts Mike Mutnansky and Lou Merloni. “I don’t know. To say I’m going one way or another right now, I’m not going to say it’s definite or anything like that, but I would definitely like to be at those minicamps for sure.”

While New England’s brass and Welker’s reps continue to work toward a resolution, the 31-year-old All-Pro remains hopeful, and is trying to find a good balance between himself and the organization.

“The main thing is really just trying to keep a level head about it, and make sure you’re making the best decisions for yourself, but at the same time, put yourself in a position where you can play for a great team and hopefully do some great things in the future,” he said, later adding that he has a “great relationship with Coach, Mr. Kraft, the front office and everybody else.”

There’s still a fair chance Welker will skip upcoming OTAs and workouts, but, one way or the other, he’ll be there on Opening Day.

Somewhere, Tom Brady just breathed a huge sigh of relief.

Though tweaking his staff is a regular offseason chore for head coach Bill Belichick, it was a bit different this time around with his spawn coming aboard.

Per ESPNBoston.com, Steve Belichick, Bill’s son, has joined the Pats staff as a coaching assistant, an entry-level job which requires many different responsibilities, such as breaking down film, cutting up game tape, and helping assistant coaches with an assortment of mid-week tasks. Once upon a time, his father was in the very same position before working his way up and becoming what he is today.

The 25-year-old Steve Belichick was a walk-on long snapper for Rutgers. Prior to that, he played four seasons for the university’s lacrosse team.

This won’t be a new experience for the younger Belichick. Like his brother, Brian, and sister, Amanda, Steve has been on New England’s sidelines multiple times before; like last season, when dad, excited after a big victory, told him what the Jets should do to his nether regions.

Apparently, on the sidelines is where Steve will remain going forward. Let’s just hope Darrelle Revis doesn’t take umbrage to him, too.

While made available to the media Thursday, Gang Green cornerback Darrelle Revis touched on calling Pats coach Bill Belichick a “jerk” during an ESPN segment last month, saying he was just speaking his mind and being truthful.

“I gave my honest opinion,” Revis said. “You guys know me very well. This isn’t the first time me speaking what I need to speak about something. I talked about the Randy Moss stuff… It’s just how I felt. That’s how I feel. I feel that people let him slide when he says his smart remarks (on) certain things. He says comments about us like he never coached here…. He did. That’s just how I felt. So they told me to sum it up. I gave one word. He can take it how he wants. He can say (whatever) he wants to say back.

Revis acknowledged he has a good deal of respect for Belichick, but thought some of the comments he made toward the Jets last year were “ignorant.”

“I have respect for him. Winning is winning,” Revis said. “But sometimes things are disrespectful. When you say certain comments about the Jets, some stuff is disrespectful. It’s okay to have a rivalry. It’s okay to compete. But when it gets personal, you’re getting disrespectful. I didn’t start this battle. The smart remarks sometimes he says are ignorant. It’s ignorant to this organization.”

What comments, you ask? This one came to the mind of the All Pro corner, among others trashing Rex Ryan’s pride and joy.

Then, in between dodging questions about his contractual situation, Revis turned his attention to Tom Brady, who he says was “disrespectful” on the field, echoing teammate Antonio Cromartie’s infamous “a–hole” comment made during the 2010 postseason.

“Sometimes he do (like that that) on the field,” Revis said. “That’s his personal opinion about him. If that’s how he acts on the field. That’s how he acts. He wants to throw a touchdown and point at our sideline. That’s disrespect, man. That’s not sportsmanship. Now do people say words on the field to each other? Yeah… that’s in between the lines. But then when it’s getting out of hand…  Come on, man. Come on. Sportsmanship.”

Don’t expect Belichick and Co. to fire back; it’s not their style (though, Wes Welker may get a shot or ten in). In any case, Turkey Day, when both teams meet for the second time, just became infinitely more intriguing … as if that was possible.

Mike Reiss of ESPNBoston.com believes that Ochocinco, Donte Stallworth, and Anthony Gonzalez are the three likeliest players to be ousted out of New England’s crowded receiver corps.

While Reiss cautions it’s still “very early” and “one injury can alter the picture,” Ocho’s exit would come as no surprise after a 2011 campaign in which he earned little playing time — and even less passes thrown his way.

After their lack of depth at receiver became apparent in the Super Bowl, the Pats went out and splurged in free agency, signing Brandon Lloyd, Stallworth, Gonzalez, and, most recently, Jabar Gaffney. They also re-signed Deion Branch, just for good measure.

With Wes Welker (assuming he doesn’t hold out) and Lloyd penciled in as starters, along with their duo of playmaking tight ends and Branch as the slot man, there’s simply not enough room for the 34-year-old Ochocinco, who may have to wait more tables before finding a new home.

Wrong and wrong, says ESPN NFL insider Adam Schefter.

Appearing on SportsCenter, Schefter says he thinks the receiver formerly known as Johnson will “absolutely” be back with the Pats.

If you just want the cliffnotes, here’s what Schefter said:

“Ochocinco will be back in New England next year,” Schefter says. “They believe that he’ll spend this offseason immersing himself in the playbook, familiarizing himself with the Patriots’ offense. They’re going to bring all these wide receivers in and let them compete in training camp and the best receivers will play.”

Ochocinco carries a cap charge of around $4.5 million, and most thought that would be reason enough for Bill Belichick to cut ties this offseason. Not only that, but New England has signed or retained several wideouts thus far, including Brandon Lloyd, Anthony Gonzalez, Donte Stallworth and Deion Branch.

The Boston Globe felt Lloyd’s recent arrival would officially spell the end for Ocho, but that doesn’t appear to be the case if you trust Schefter (which you should).

According to the Boston Globe, Wayne recently implied in an online journal that the Pats were a finalist for his services, but is “thrilled” over his decision to instead return to Indianapolis.

“Well….. kinda four teams at first. Then three and then two. And you Colts fans don’t wanna know who other team was. I’ll let you figure that one out. Ha! But like I said, I’m thrilled about my decision.”

If Wayne’s subtlety leaves you unconvinced, a league source confirmed to the Globe that New England was indeed in play to land the five-time Pro Bowl receiver.

It was certainly a bit of a surprising move by the 33-year-old, who chose to pass up joining a perennial playoff — and Super Bowl — contender (not to mention, his arch nemesis of the last decade) for a club that’s been gutted from top to bottom this offseason.

The Colts gave Wayne a three-year, $17.5 million deal (including $7.5 million in guarantees). It’s unclear what the Patriots had offered, but it was likely comparable considering coach Bill Belichick’s long affinity for the wideout.

Assuming the offers were in the same ballpark, Wayne might’ve chosen to remain with the only team he’s known in his well-accomplished NFL career, and in the city where he’s had so much success. The new pact made him a “Colt for life,” as he excitingly put it.

If there were only two factors behind his decision — money and loyalty — something tells me the latter was of more importance.

You might recall a few (as in, four) months back I mentioned that blusterous Jets coach Rex Ryan will make his Hollywood debut in Adam Sandler’s upcoming comedy, “That’s My Boy.”

Well, hide your eyes, Jets fans, because the first trailers and photos from the movie were recently released, including the above shot of Ryan, who plays an “inexpensive” (and poorly dressed) lawyer.

Of course, he’s also a “mammoth” fan of the Patriots and all things Boston, as you can probably tell.

If you’re interested, here is the clip of Ryan’s brief cameo.

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“Don’t screw up my Tom Brady poster, it’s my favorite one! Look at that jaw line … just the right amount of scruff.”

Bravo, Rex. Bravo. Don’t quit your day job.

“That’s My Boy” hits theaters on July 15.

A league source tells ESPN’s Adam Schefter that the Patriots will place the franchise tag on Welker Monday, ahead of the 4 p.m. deadline for teams to use the designation.

It’s an expected move by the Pats, who are still hoping to lock up Welker with a long-term contract, which would help free up cap space to acquire his complement at receiver.

According to the Boston Globe, Welker rejected a two-year, $16 million proposal last season, and talks have been characterized as “on and off since the fall.”

Until both sides hammer out a deal, Welker, who led the NFL in receptions with 122, will be paid an estimated $9.4 million.

UPDATE: Welker has been officially franchised.

The play that haunts him — and many, many others in New England — was the incomplete pass to Wes Welker late in the fourth quarter, with the Pats up, 17-15.

A catch there and the fat lady would’ve begun tuning up, yet the normally sure-handed Welker failed to haul it in.

After the confetti settled on the Giants’ 21-17 victory, he was absolutely distraught when discussing the play, tears welling in his eyes and voice cracking, having to face the realization of what could’ve been.

Welker felt he let his team down, and, secretly, a lot of fans agreed.

Not O’Brien, who came to the defense of the Pro Bowl receiver Saturday, saying he didn’t drop the pass, and it had no bearing on the outcome of the game.

“That wasn’t a drop. That would have been a tremendous catch, and he should never think twice about that. And it had nothing to do with us losing the game. There were many, many plays before that where we could have made better coaching decisions, and better plays. That’s just one play of many.”

O’Brien believes Welker has “definitely” received too much flack for the play, and reminded everybody how lucky the Pats are to possess a player of his caliber.

“I would tell (Patriots fans) they should be very grateful, I’m sure they are, to have a player like Wes Welker as a Patriot. He is what Boston is all about, in my opinion. He’s a hard-working guy, he’s a tough guy, he’s an honest guy, nothing was ever given to him…he’s what Boston is all about.

A lot of what O’Brien says is true. Welker is a phenomenal talent and had to make a tough adjustment on the ball, which Tom Brady delivered a bit off-target. They’ll connect on that route 99 times out of 100. That was the hundredth time, apparently.

However, others counter that Welker should’ve held on, regardless of the difficulty. There’s a saying for wideouts: If you get your hands on it, you have to catch it. It’s especially true on the NFL’s grandest stage.

So, who’s at fault? Welker? Brady? It’s akin to the old chicken-or-the-egg theory. Arguing over which really happened is no better than beating your head against the proverbial wall.

But, if you still want to, then be my guest (and leave a comment.)

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[Quotes via the Boston Globe]